Sigh

She Always Seemed So

 Clumsy 

and 

Carefree

Her Mind Was A Heedless

 KAELIDOSCOPE

Her Attitude Was Airy

But Here She Sat

Yearning For Her Own Solidity

 She Needed

Stability

She Questioned Her True Sanity

 I Try To Commiserate

 I Wanted to Feel Empathy

But Instead I Found Solace In

Her Search For Her Own...

So Now I Sit And I Sigh Relief

There Was Comfort

Knowing She Was Silently Suffering 

A Consolation 
Throwing Me To Feel A Bit
Clumsy and Carefree
Just As She...

Ceramic Frog

Ceramic Frog

Young and sweet

Only seventeen was the age I turned on March 28, 2015

The night was young and the music was high,

But I DID NOT HAVE THE TIME OF MY LIFE

Instead of Dancing and Jiving and

Having the time of my life~

I cried…

I cried a lot…

On that night I questioned why things never go my way

I know that sounds selfish

I do not mean it too….

But on that night I mental grew

The night was full of questions like

“Are you ok with this?”

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

And those words never seemed to leave the air

They were always there

They never left

The phrase would not leave me alone

We would move

And I would just go along with it

And as I went along with it

Those words followed

“Are you ok with this?”

I just wanted to be alone

Of course I was not ok with what was happening

But I did not want to be selfish

I wanted my friends to have fun

I often try to make others happy without thinking of myself

And that drains you

Physically

Mentally

Emotionally

But I came to realize at the end of the night

No one was truly happy with the way the night flowed

We just floated

We just moved

It was awkward

Trust me, we all knew

Some grew tired

Some got mad

Some were lost in their own world

Others were sad

I still feel blurry

And feel lost about how the night fell apart

‘”Are you ok with this?”…

I cannot honestly tell you who felt what

And

Why?

I personally have no clue how I felt myself

I just know I was unhappy

My friendships just seemed very un-genuine

I do not feel I was comfortable with the group

I only connected with two

I am not even sure those words are true

But at the end of the day

Family was there

My mother held me while I cried

She understood the emotions I could not comprehend

She knew what words to say

She did not promise

“Everything would be ok!”

I already knew

Instead she told me

Things get hard

People can be selfish

Not everyone has good intentions like me

I often forget I should not be so “SWEET” all the time

She loves me

She wants what is best

Her soft voice said

“Go look on your desk!”

So I looked

And there sat a small box with orange wrapping paper

In that box was a small ceramic frog

Hand painted

One section green

Another blue

The left side was orange

It was precious

She stood in the doorway

I smiled

She said

“Family will be there when things get low.”

And now I know

A bad day does not mean a bad life

The frog is my reminder

Things can be tough

There are people dealing with worse

Such a small object has such big meaning

And is filed with so much love❤

88 Things About Me

1. Binge drinker of tea~
2. Slightly obsessed with Eddie Murphy movies
3. 
4. Could live off of mozzarella stick
5. Enjoys National Geographic Channel
6. Dream job is to be a National Geographic Photographer
7. Embraces my natural messy hair
8. Absolutely HATES the color red
9. Loves animals
10. Favorite animals are Dogs, Giraffes, Frogs, and Jellyfish
11. Hates whipped cream
12. Obsessed with Cactus
13. Really loves plants and flowers
14. Does not enjoy scary movies
15. Loves being outside (as long as it’s not cold)
16. Thunderstorms give me life
17. I enjoy nothing more than sitting on my front porch while it rains  
18. Is not a big fan of Cats… (sorry not sorry)
19. I take pictures of almost everything
20. Trees are my Aesthetic~
21. Really likes the word aesthetic
22. Really loves the way afros look
23. WHY doesn’t my winged eyeliner turn out as good a Adeles?
24. Music makes my world go round
25. Really enjoys Adeles music
26. But strongly dislikes the song “Hello”
27. I was once bit by a goat
28. My grandfather used to own a farm
29. Horrified of chickens
30. Absolutely hates the food chicken unless it’s a sandwich
31. With that being said, i could also live off of chicken sandwiches and lemonade.
32. Loves peanut butter, but hates the smell
33. My favorite instagram account and photographer (Or electography as he calls it) is @rocknrollazero
34. I wish i was a little more afro-punk…
35. I can say the alphabet backwards
36. I love painting, but i am not the best at it
37. Everything about Africa (Egypt in particular) fascinates
38. I think Camels are super cool
39. I like to think i am funny
40. I’m a sucker for anything handmade
41. I spend a good majority of my time looking at art, reading poetry and books and listening to music from the Harlem Renaissance
42. The only reason i like snow is because it is pretty to take pictures of…
43. Candles make me extremely happy
44. I LOVE headwraps and turbans
45. I play the Violin
46. My great grandmother did not have a middle finger
47. my brother (he is nine years old) has autism
48. I am the oldest of five
49. I really love pineapples...
50. I am allergic to red dye
51. I really enjoy weird facts about the human body
52. I was horrified of the glass table in my living room for almost five years
53. I hate admitting i love science
54. Pictures of puppies make me extremely happy
55. My nickname at work is "Pascha May" (i'm not sure why)
56. Just because i am laughing, does not mean i am comfortable
57. I love photography, but hated and failed the class (ironic)
58. I grew up listening to a lot of Michael Jackson
59. My favorite song by Michael Jackson is Dirty Diana
60. I know all the dance steps to the songs Beat it, Bad, and Thriller from the music video
61. I literally stop everything i'm doing when Michael Jackson comes on so i can dance 
62. I used to know how to moon walk
63. One more Michael gif and i'll be done.. lol
64. I know all the words to the song Cheerleader by Omi and i am proud
65. I am pretty much the big kid at heart
66. I love socks so much
67. Baking makes me happy
68. I spend a lot of time singing and dancing around in the room i'm supposed to clean instead of cleaning it
69. I LOVE kids but do not want my own
70. Would rather watch animated Pixar and Disney movies over anything else
71. I still own a VHS
72. i have over 100 movies on VHS and i watch them often they make me extremely happy
73. I am pretty horrible at saving money
74. I am Hurdle girl
75. I am currently number 8 on the top ten list for the schools 300m hurdle records
76. I plan on dropping my time to a 49 flat for my hurdles.
77. Currently i am at a 50;40
78. Lolo Jones is someone i look up to
79. My father was a hometown track star
80. If i could sing, i would never shut up
81. I LOVE DOGS SO MUCH
82. My dream dog is a Great Dane 
83. I at one point in my life had my hair dyed purple
84. I have also had orange hair. it was an accident...
85. My family always comes first
86. I have am pretty much a teenage version of my mother. we think, walk, talk, and act so much alike. we even dress alike.
87. Lemon and peanut butter cookies are my favorite
88. my favorite candy is Berry Sour Patch kids